Break ups are a natural part of life. If you want to have a relationship, sooner or later you will be involved in one. And, whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee, it can be a painful experience.
With all that emotion and heartbreak going on, it can sometimes be difficult to maintain your dignity. Nasty words are said, vases are thrown, mothers are insulted and, heaven forbid, begging may ensue.
Have you ever begged a man to stay with you? I’m embarrassed to say that I have. I have actually begged a man not to leave. It was a long time ago but I still cringe at the memory. I haven’t done it since and, ladies, here’s why you should never, ever do it.
Being dumped hurts, especially if the break up has come out of the blue. It’s tempting to let the drama flow and sometimes it feels like you have no choice. The emotions inside you – anger, hurt, upset, betrayal – must be unleashed!
But, here’s the problem. You may think you’re making a good point, that you’re hurting him because he’s hurting you or that you’re showing him how much you love him by being so upset that he’s leaving. And, if you’re begging him not to leave, doesn’t that show him how much you want him to stay? No. All he sees is a screaming, crying, needy mess and he’ll be glad to get rid of you. If he had any doubts in his mind, you’ve now made his decision so much easier.
Instead, after he has told you he doesn’t want to be with you anymore, calmly count to ten in your head, smile and say, ‘I’m sorry you feel that way. It was very nice knowing you. I wish you all the best.’ Then leave. You can go away and cry and scream, punch your pillow, eat a tub of ice cream, anything you want; as long as he doesn’t hear or see any of it. Then delete his number, unfollow him from all social media and put anything that reminds you of him in a box under the stairs.
Now, I’m not saying any of this will be easy. You may be wondering how to stay so calm when you’ve been hit with such a bombshell but, let’s face it, has it really come as a surprise? Yes, there are times when we get knocked off our feet but, as women, we’re pretty perceptive. Most times we can kind of see it coming so if you get an inkling that a dumping is nigh, start practising your response in the mirror.
So, why is it so important to maintain your dignity in this situation? Because, when he leaves, all he’ll remember is what a classy lady you were and he may begin to have some serious doubts about his decision. Also, he won’t be able to badmouth you to family and friends because you’ve given him no ammunition.
That man that I begged? I never saw him again. Since then, after using the technique above, every man that has broken up with me has come back asking for a second chance. The best part is, I was already over them when they did.
Most importantly, I feel good about myself for keeping it classy. Maintaining your dignity keeps your self esteem high and enables you to move on to the man who will never leave you.